Amidst this constant chaos that urban women face, two women came together under one umbrella to share their insights and the journey they embarked upon from being a people pleaser to being an independent, free-thinking soul pleaser.
Tracy Secombe has spent her whole life on and off her Soul’s oath, doing what she loves and is passionate about and then being overwhelmed and distracted by taking on too much in order to satisfy and please others. She was raised by a selfless, loving mother and an entrepreneurial father who instilled in her the virtues of putting others first and working hard. She is grateful for these lessons, which she put to good use until she became nervous and burned out. When her mother died in 2016, she focused on what mattered most in life and decided to prioritize relation to herself, family, and service without compromising herself. Her goal is to assist you in remembering your special magnificence and realigning with your highest potential so that you can live a life that is fully fulfilling to you. Let’s take a look at what she has said about her struggle to heal from the burnout and people-pleasing.
The initial oblivion
Tracy strived to be a perfectionist growing up in every area of her life, be it the way she looked, her grades in school, her achievements. As a young adult, she put all her efforts into becoming like her mother, who was extremely selfless and impressed her dad who rewarded her with attention for every achievement of hers. She witnessed an epiphany when her mother got ill and questioned the mere fundamentals of her life. She was running three businesses at that point in time nurturing three children and experiencing a wholesome married life without being aware that subliminally she was addicted to work, recognition from others and praise and achievements which brought her immense satisfaction. It was a state of self-oblivion for her.
After she came above the threshold of her own consciousness is when she realised that the sense of satisfaction she gained from external validation and pleasing others became more and more short-lived and less and less fulfilling. When her mother passed away, her soul was bombarded with questions like “What am I doing?” and “What am I going to do now?” She didn’t realise that she had been burnt out for years now by avoiding the authenticity of her true essence and focused all her energies on pleasing others.
In both our lives, at some point in time, both of us were struck by a common dilemma. It was a choice to be made. The choice between being like our parents, who were selfless, nurturing and held their duties as parents a priority or to go out there and be successful and unapologetically ourselves. Of course, both couldn’t be done, that would have been to seek perfection which is indeed exhausting. Tracy perceives perfection to be a slippery slope and not the ideal goal to have. This does not mean that one does not love themselves, it means that we are not just being ourselves. Post that stage of oblivion Tracy realised that the mere purpose of our lives is to discover who we are and be who we are. There is so much joy and love in that without putting conditions to that love.
The Epiphany after the Epiphany
Since we have experienced similar turning points, we mutually concluded that success comes from when you really start listening to yourself and understand what you are good at, where your passion leads to the enrichment and nurturing of your soul.
Stacy truly believes that if you are devoid of a wake-up call, you end up staying in a state of oblivion where you are completely detached from your inner self. Tracy shares, while she was in the middle of her journey from being a people pleaser to a soul pleaser, to gain recognition from others and working towards achievements, she chased success after success, saying yes to everything rather than understanding her unique vision and her unique dream. When she finally tuned in with her inner self, she became aware that her whole life she has been a people pleaser, and after witnessing her turning point which led to her transformation to be a soul pleaser, she wanted to go out there and share her experience with other women. She believes that success will come once you’re perfectly aligned with your inner self and passion and understand who you are and be connected to yourself as a whole.
Assisting other women in their transformation, and soul pleasing path
Tracy works with women who are struck with a feeling of being unfulfilled and overwhelmed as they are preoccupied with being the ideal mom, the ideal employee and the ideal wife. These constant efforts towards perfection and scattered energy keep them so busy mentally that they feel lost and experience a lack of confidence. They become indecisive and question the mere purpose of their life altogether. Tracy empathises with them as she had faced similar self-inflicting questions during her own journey from being a people pleaser to a soul pleaser.
Tracy helps these women by taking them through a process that leads them from being a people pleaser to a soul pleaser which she defines as needing, recognition, approval or acceptance and love from someone outside of yourself to feel worthy will not lead you to be a soul pleaser, deciphering that their worth shouldn’t be questioned. She emphasizes that they can fully love themselves without these conditions. This enables them to naturally align with their inner self and passion, allowing them to be completely connected with themselves. She believes that one should focus on feeding your own soul first rather than channelising your energies into pleasing others.
The “WHY” phenomenon
Why do we often do things? It is because of the result we want that we are trying to manipulate. Maybe it is just for a simple “thank you”. Tracy believes that if you change your “Why” to “bliss”, if you do things for the joy of it, you are aligned with your soul. It is the joy and mindfulness incorporated in the things that you do which is what leads you to be a soul pleaser.
It is safe to say that we should be more active than being passive while radiating our energies towards others. We should be doing things that come from “within” rather than it being in the head. The part of the brain that processes decisions is the gut part of the brain, the one that does not have language, reason or rationale, therefore listening to your primal response, and not comparing yourself to others will be where you really shine. This is how you can honour your own unique flavour.
People pleasers don’t usually say what they mean because they are trying to sustain the peace, avoid confrontation making sure that they don’t hurt somebody’s feelings. This often leads them into thinking that they have control over other people’s feelings, forgetting that the only feelings they can control are of their own. Once you actually start speaking your truth and surround yourself with people you are in the same vibration as you are halfway through in your journey to become a soul pleaser.
You can listen to the interview Barbara did with Tracy here:
- Listen to your gut and primal instincts while making a decision
- Trust yourself and your heart completely while doing anything
- Find joy in everything you do and not as a response for what is being expected by others
- Disregard the theory that you can control other people’s feelings simply by pleasing them
- Don’t say YES to everything just to please others
- Don’t rush into this transformation from being a people pleaser to a soul pleaser if the realisation is new to you, instead give yourself time by not being too hard on yourself
If you’re feeling like an imposter, let’s flesh out some re-alignment strategies. Book a call.
If you’re feeling like an imposter, let’s flesh out some re-alignment strategies.