There have been times in my life where I have put people up on a pedestal where I thought “Wow you are just so amazing. You've got so many skills and you're so extraordinary, talented, beautiful, good-looking, professional or confident. It can be really deflating when you compare yourself to these people and wish you were just like them.
Personally, I either get a professional crush or become consumed with jealousy and have to work hard on myself to resist both.
It is only when these people behave in a way that really disappoints me that I am reminded that we are all human. These people are not that much different from me and I can drop them down a notch.
I’ve learned a great technique from professional development greats, like Benjamin Harvey and DrJohn De Martini to develop your confidence. Here’s the process:
Consider someone you admire or are in awe of. It can be someone in your immediate circle or it can be someone like Oprah Winfrey. Think about the people you become fixated on all the people you compare yourself to.
Write down all of the things that you really, truly admire in that person.
Now write down examples of where you've demonstrated the same or very similar skill. It may not be on the same scale or on the biggest platform like Oprah but where have you demonstrated the same skill.
Write down exactly what it was and when it was.
Now here's the other really powerful part to this exercise. Who witnessed it? Who was there to see it. Perhaps it was just the dog or the cat if you can't think of anyone. Maybe it was a blow fly on the wall, but who actually witnessed it? ‘
Don’t miss this important step. By doing this, your brain is formatting evidence that this trait you admire is true. This helps your brain to believe it to be true because of the evidence that you are forming. If someone witnessed it, it must be true; it must be fact.
You trick your brain into believing that you are on an equal playing field with this person as well. And guess what? There are some things that this person does not do very well; you probably do them a whole heap better.
You can meditate on those qualities you admire or aspire to in another person. Imagine that the qualities you admire are part of a magical, invisible coat. A big heavy coat laden with skills, abilities, personal traits etc. Now image you are lifting this big, heave coat and wearing it, the wait an enormity of the skills are resting on your shoulders, cloaking you. However, your own ability is weaving into it, threading into it, so that you and the coat are becoming one, like a second skin.
- Focus on your strengths, make a list of the little things that are your own unique gifts and talents.
- Visualise yourself being honoured, recognised, applauded or simply valued by friends, family or peers.
- Identify where you have demonstrated similar qualities of the person you admire, even on the smallest scale.
- Compare yourself to others
- Don’t seek evidence of your failings against others, don’t search for it on social media or websites. Just don’t.
- Don’t lose your passion
Would you like to become more emotionally resilient?
If you are feeling stressed at work, particularly by the behaviour of others, I may be able to provide you with some resilience strategies.
You can book a time to chat. My goal is not to sell but to always give value. Promise.
About the Author:
Barbara Clifford (The Time Tamer) is a time management & stress management enthusiast based in Alice Springs, Australia. She has spent over 20 years working in time precious and stressful industries such as film, hospitality and marketing. She has always had a burning passion for creating order and making sense of things. She is sought after like a beacon in a sea of chaos to provide professional development in the business environment through workshop training, coaching, mentoring, online training programmes, webinars and as a guest speaker around Australia. Her professional experience has included contracts with small business, Not For Profits, Aboriginal Organisations, Media, Marketing, Aged Care, Universities, Health Services and Cruise Ships. Follow Barbara on Twitter @barbclifford.